Last Words

My story may not be one of many challenges or of many hardships. But it is one that I know made me who I am today.

It started the year of sixth grade. I met and became best friends with a girl named Carla. We made each other laugh and smiles were never far away. Then summer came. Carla was more of a tomboy and an outside type of girl, I was not. I spent much of my time indoors reading, singing, playing on the computer and generally doing anything you could indoors. Carla asked for me to play outside numerous times. I played only a few. Sadly, because of this we grew apart.

Soon, seventh grade arrived. I walked with Carla and our conversations were painfully awkward. We just were not as close. I soon realized this and made an effort to try and change. Carla also had a friend named Amber. Amber, while nice to me around Carla, I often heard her saying things that should not be said in a classroom about anyone. Now, understand this. I am not what people call 'normal.' Nor am I a crazy person.
But, I do believe that I am abnormal. This was the reason I believe for her dislike also that I was best friends with Carla while she wished to be.

I became paranoid. Believing that I was losing Carla. I cried often, usually in class. For a few weeks I told myself that it would get better, to keep trying, and to just be strong. Wait it out. The days went by'it never improved in fact it got worse in my mind.
Then I finally gave in and went to the counselor. I immediately liked her. She talked to me and was supportive while I choked out my sadness through my lips and told my story. She said I was most likely under stress and very tired. She sent me home with my dad. I cried on his shoulder. My little cousin and I played in the play place at McDonalds. I forgot for a while.

I walked to Carla's house and told her about my feelings. She seemed to understand. I cried and we laughed. Still not quite the same though. I was feeling like I was a boring person.

It started getting worse. I started crying when I woke up and before I went to bed. I cried in the shower and begged my parents to take me out of school. They refused. I know they did this for my own good. I love them and always will. I went to the counselor many times over those weeks. Then my birthday came around. My twelfth and to me it was a big deal. I invited Carla, my friend Alyssa, my cousin Grace, and a girl I hardly knew but was friends with named Kori. Everyone arrived except for Alyssa. We all began to talk and laugh. But, then something Carla said, something that had been bugging me, set me off, 'I'm mad at you.' Those four words always made me feel worried, upset, mad, and now that I had heard them for a million times and at my birthday party! I exploded, yelling. She yelled back and she climbed out of the pool. I tried not to feel bad or affected but, I did.

Finally, I arose out of the pool and went over to talk with her. I saw she was crying. She never cried, so I knew it was bad. We sat and talked, yelling some more. Eventually we both calmed down and relaxed for the night. I told myself repeatedly that it would be all right. I think what got me through it all besides my parents was the fact that I knew I would be all right, and my determination and strength. Eventually, we really did come to an end. We sat against the wall at my school. She told me that she didn't want to be friends anymore. I then ran off. I found comfort in my other friends.

I became good friends with Alyssa and best friends with Kori. I knew that somewhere in between it all I would get better. In all the tears my doctor subscribed me with Anti-depressant pills. I still take them. After a few months she always came and checked up on me.

One day Carla came to my house and sat with me on my porch and asked me if I was happy. I was. I had new friends. Friends that didn't confuse me or get mad at me for everything or get embarrassed by me. She then told me that she was deeply sorry and regretted breaking off our friendship and she wondered if I wanted to be her friend again. I told her that I forgave her. I did. I knew she was truly sorry. And the whole thing wasn't entirely her fault. But, I could never be the same way. We became friends and talk to each other but, aren't what we used to be.

Over all, the experience taught me something that I just realized today at my last day of seventh grade. It made me stronger. It made me who I was. Made me someone that people look to when they need advice, and someone who my friends laugh at and with. I'm me, because and despite of our ended friendship.

It took me a while but, I trust again in friendship. Kori showed me what it really can be. I'm also glad that all is at peace between Carla and me. I have respect for the way she came to me and apologized. I am behind all the sadness now and I have gone on to live my dreams. I have new friends who love me, a happy family, and a promising future.

Submitted by Anonymous

Forgiveness